If you ask anyone that has ever talked to me, they would consider me to be an emotionless person, I don’t show any signs of affection to anybody other than really close friends, and even then, it’s sporadic.
I don’t tend to care about much, and I don’t find it fun to gossip or to be in the middle of any drama (that’s why I don’t understand how people like watching reality shows.)
If you ask me though, I would tell you that I mask my emotions with tons of sarcasm and teasing to avoid any real commitment to anything, which in turn makes it seem like I’m a smartass and emotionless rock.
But like any other human, I too have moments in life where emotions need to come out to avoid drowning in them.
My solution for years was to bottle it up until I couldn’t take it any longer and then just let it all out at night. It was horrible. I felt like shit, and it didn’t really help because I never knew what the hell was the problem.
That meant there was never a solution to it.
This didn’t happen often, but when it did, it messed me up for days, or until I could distract myself with something else.
Last week my dog got very sick in the same timeframe where I was emotionally unstable.
To sum it up, it SUCKED. I couldn’t get out of my head, and all of my thoughts were negative, I thought he was going to die and that I would have to deal with it for the passing days.
Fortunately, he’s recovering right now, and he’s getting better each day because my dog is that much of a badass.
Despite everything being better, I still felt like anything I did, caused my emotions to come pouring out, be it anger, sadness, nervousness, etc.
The sense of loneliness started to come up (which had never happened before), and I began to panic.
I didn’t know what the hell to do, so I did what any person would do. I went to Google for an answer.
I did a lot of weird tests to check if I was feeling “depressed” which didn’t help me at all. I read a lot of articles that were so generalized that I might as well be called Jeff from Arkansas and didn’t really find anything of use after 2 hours of search.
Feeling tired, I went to bed so I could sleep it off as I’ve always done for the past 15 years of my life.
And how you would’ve guessed, I couldn’t sleep. I was so caught up in my emotions and thoughts that I wasn’t able to stay still and rest.
So I started to think of ways I could drain these types of thoughts and emotions regularly, so they don’t drown me every single time.
The idea of journaling came to my mind, and I went back to Google and started searching.
Not long after, I found an article created by none other than Ryan Holiday talking about journaling and how different people throughout the years have used journals to do a deep dive on themselves and see where they can improve.
I was amazed at how people used their journals, some used them as a way to keep track of their objectives, others used them to throw all of their negative thoughts first thing in the morning, and most added a part where they showed their gratefulness towards people and mundane things in their life.
Still, I didn’t know where to begin or what routine to follow.
Maybe by fate or luck, I found this
Forget All The Rules About Journaling. Do What Works.
That’s the phrase that let me understand the true potential of journaling.
I didn’t have to look for the perfect routine; I just had to start writing and adapt.
So then, at 3am on a Sunday, I started writing in my journal.
I wrote how that day in the vet let me feeling. I wrote how the loneliness was eating me up at night even though I had amazing people around me, I wrote about how a series I watched connected to me in a spiritual level that I never thought possible.
I let it all out, and I wrote until nothing else popped into my mind.
I closed my laptop and went to sleep. Surprisingly fast too.
I woke up the next day and read it all.
I was able to understand that my loneliness didn’t come from me not finding someone I could spend the rest of my days with, but instead of how I had separated myself from those amazing people I had around me by being a smartass and a sarcastic prick.
I found that even though that day in the vet was a horrible experience, the result was positive since my dog was still here with me and that I should be grateful for every single second I have with him.
I even understood why that series connected with me on a spiritual level. So much so that I’m considering getting a tattoo about it.
When I finished reading it, I felt great, so to not forget, I went and put it all in my morning journal entry.
I’ve been journaling for the past few days without a miss, and I think I’ve never been as happy as I am right now. I’ve been smiling and laughing a lot more, and I’ve been giving a lot more love to the world.
Never in a million years would I have imagined that writing in a journal every day would make that much of a change in me.
I’m thankful that I found that article about journaling, and I’m grateful that Ryan Holiday took the time to create it without leaving out any details.
I think that anybody who is looking to improve their life should give journaling a try, it will help you learn more about yourself daily so you can take action on certain things before it’s too late.
I suggest you start by journaling in the afternoon so you can do a recap of your whole day and set goals for the next day.
I personally like to write in the morning to remember what I want to achieve that day and to clear my mind of any idea or thought that might be bothering me as soon as I wake up, but I also find it essential to journal in the afternoon for the same reason above.
Like you read a few hundred words back, there is no right or wrong way of journaling, everybody has their own personal routine, but you’ll never know yours unless you commit to writing at least once per day.
Give it a try and if you have any questions, send them my way and I’ll get to you as fast as I can.
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Previously Published on Medium
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